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urgently need a advice

asked 2018-02-08 18:26:32 -0500

Simar2204 gravatar image

updated 2018-02-12 14:55:00 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Sat Sri Akal everyone, I hope if anyone can help me out. I am a Sikh jatt. I am currently living in Canada and belong to a well-reputed family and we are from a small town in Punjab. in Canada, i fell in love with a boy who is Sikh jatt as well but he is Manglik and my parents believe in all this a lot. when I told my parents that I love someone they were like no astrologer have said that you should not get love marriage, then we came across that he is Manglik. nothing went well. my parents said that they will never say yes to him and they are afraid that I may not take some wrong step. things kept on going we are together for last 4 years and struggling with all this from last 1 year.

basically, we both have different last names but we just came across that these 2 last names are same. it's like our ancestors were same they had same last names, but few of them moved to some different part of Punjab and started using a different last name. now after 4 years, we are feeling like shredded.

are we really cousins? or linked? is there any way that we can still be together without taking any wrong step like running an getting married?

To be honest, I feel like God has stopped listening to my prayers, I don't feel like there is anything good going on in all this. if we were supposed to get apparated then why did we ever met? why did we love each other so much that now getting apart scares us like hell?

if you guys can give some suggestions or help me out that will be thankful and highly appreciated.

Thank you for reading

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answered 2018-02-08 21:51:28 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

On the whole Manglik thing obviously that stuff is not true as people have mentioned before and shouldn’t be a reason against marriage. We talked about that a while back. Then there’s the issue of your parents who don’t want this marriage for you. Now having same ancestors is a quite a large issue though because being related increases risk of genetic disorders in future children etc.

I really empathize with your situation. You’ve been with him for four years through all these uphill struggles and you love him. At the same time I think there is a couple of red flags raised for me here, like you have put “life or death” as your tags here. That worries me because no matter what we should not be so attached to someone that we cannot live without them. There should always be that knowledge that we will be and we are okay, in ourselves, because God is within us. I don’t want you thinking that if you can’t get married that it means you won’t live a happy or fulfilled life. Of course heartbreak hurts horribly, I know. But you should take a step back here and think about your own spiritual evolvement within yourself and your connection to God. Don’t run away and get married. It’s impulsive and irresponsible and doesn’t solve the conflict with your family. Don’t make any rash decisions while you are feeling this desperate and emotional (and in case of emergency call 911, or call a crisis line where you can talk it out).

God has not stopped listening to your prayers, but you should think of it more like “am I listening?” Are you listening to the signals that God is giving you that maybe something isn’t right at this time. I think its important to realize that God is our parent- and our parents do what is best for us, not necessarily what we want. Maybe everything is exactly as it needed to be, and God is saving you from a fire that you don’t see. Sometimes we are brought together to learn something from each other. We have karma together from our past lives and we grow together. If you have questions, ask Guru Ji and you will get your answer as a Hukamnama. Whatever happens, ground yourself in Sikhi. Get closer to God, not further away, by understanding Gurbani, by really implementing it into your life. Let your pain bring you closer to Sikhi. Put your relationship with Guru Ji above your wordly relationships. God is always there for us.

I get how hurt and frustrated you probably feel at this situation. I have felt the same in the past, things not going the way you want and then getting emotionally tied into them. I think its just important now to prevent your mind from going into all different directions- do some simran, take a Hukamnama, and you ... (more)

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answered 2018-02-09 02:47:59 -0500

Not at all Punjabi gravatar image

You start your introduction with, I am a Jutt Sikh. That itself shows that you and your family is so proud of your Jutt lineage.

There is a lot of difference between theory and being practical. Though Sikhism rejects the caste system but the Punjabi Sikhs do practice Casteism on a daily basis. In Punjab, Caste and Gotra are given high importance. Similarly issues like Manglik, Astrology, Palmistry, and Black Magic are also there. People of Punjab do follow all this, no doubt about this. Whether they are true or not is a separate matter but Punjabi Sikhs be it Jutts, Ramgharias, Aroras or the Choodas they all believe in this.

So, neither you nor i, we can't change the mindset of the people. If you want peace and happiness in life, peace within your own family then follow the advise of your Parents because as Strong Kaur points out above that our Parents are Gods and another important message she says above, God is saving you from a fire that you don’t see. So, why not follow the instructions of the Gods(Parents).

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answered 2018-02-15 19:06:07 -0500

kaurchic gravatar image

Listen to your intuition. If you are feeling already that there maybe some sort of conflict. These are the steps to follow: First, speak to the person your seeing. Talk to that person about their thoughts pertaining to what your concerns are and try your best to communicate maturely. Come to an agreement, compromise, or consensus. Secondly, talk to your parents separately and try to figure out what their honest views are. Thirdly, suggest to the person who you are seeing to speak to their parents as well. Bring up the discussion about caste and see where it leads. Be clear about what the both of you want to your parents and try to understand each other. Set the mood by making tea and appetizers. Concentrate on your studies. It is of most importance.

Toon mere pita tu hai mere mata. Waheguru Ji tussi meher kari.

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Asked: 2018-02-08 18:26:32 -0500

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Last updated: Feb 15