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How to move on

asked 2017-08-07 01:35:47 -0500

mkaur gravatar image

updated 2017-08-07 09:32:53 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

I feel like everyone in my family has changed. My parents don't seem to care about my feelings. I've tried to talk to them multiple times about them but nothing ever changes. I feel like they're so oriented with their own lives that I'm just not important anymore and they're tired of me and my nonsense. My parents have always meant so much to me and now I feel really lonely.

I don't want to punish them for living a life they want to live and making their own choices but I just don't know how to accept what is happening. It makes me really sad and angry especially cause they are my parents.

How do I let go of this resentment and accept all that is happening? How do I learn to accept others choices in their lives? Is there a particular Shabad to help?

Guruka Singh - I'd greatly appreciate if you would be so kind to answer.

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answered 2017-08-07 03:49:06 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

Dear mkaur, It sounds very isolating, and somewhat heartbreaking even. I’m sure Guruka Singh will answer. I just wanted to provide a few words as well.

Why do you feel this change has come about in the family? Do your parents have other things going on right now that might be taking their attention. Sometimes it seems like the situation is about us but it’s actually that they might have something else going on right now that’s really bothering them, and they are preoccupied with it. Or maybe things have just changed- it’s kind of a natural course for there to be some changes in the family as we grow. Sometimes it takes time to adjust to a new happy medium. I think a lot of times these are temporary- it sounds like things were going quite well for your family in the past. I can speak for my own situation and say that I’ve gone through some changes with my family over time, and I was surprised the first time there was a strain in my relationship with my parents because I love them dearly and I felt they weren’t understanding me. I felt lonely, just like you, and somewhat disappointed. I had never expected there to be difficulty like that in my family. I thought it would last forever and that our family was being split in different directions, me on one side and them on another- that we would walk different paths forever. It broke my heart. I think there were a lot of changes for all of us, and it took a lot of time for all of us to adjust. It didn’t last forever! It was temporary. Now it feels nice that we all feel like one unit again.

Remember always that your parents love you. I would suggest that perhaps they just don’t understand how to give you what you need right now in your life. Different people have different abilities and skills and different ways of understanding. When I was growing up I didn’t realize this was true for family too. My parents were always the people who made me magically feel better no matter what the situation. Now I realized there are limits, because people understand situations differently.

Perhaps your parents aren’t understanding your feelings right now, or maybe your situation. It’s not that they don’t care, but that they can’t give you what you need despite your conversations. I’m glad you took the step of talking to them about it, but sometimes even with conversations, people don’t change. Or it may take time. Have you specifically talked to them about how lonely you feel? How you feel you aren’t a priority in their lives?

We are together in families, because God put us together from our past life forms and associations then. We come from different paths, and different life forms- some of us plants ... (more)

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answered 2017-08-07 09:46:36 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Dear one - You understand your own situation very well. Your parents will not meet your expectations and you will never meet their expectations of you. Why? Because you are you and they are who they are. But what you can do is let go of resentment, expectations and outcomes and work on acceptance. My favorite pauri from Japji Sahib to work on this is the 33rd pauri:

aakhan jor chupai nah jor. jor na mangan dayn na jor. jor na jeevan maran nah jor. jor na raaj maal man sor. jor na surtee gi-aan veechaar. jor na jugtee chhutai sansaar. jis hath jor kar vaykhai so-ay. naanak utam neech na ko-ay.

No power to be silent. No power to speak. No power to beg. No power to give. No power to die. No power to live. No power lies in worldly might. No power lies in earthly treasure. They only increase your mental chatter. No power to meditate or know the unknown. No power to leave this world and go home. One Power. One Actor. One Doer. One Knower. O Nanak! No one is higher or lower.

Try doing 11 repetitions of the pauri out loud in the morning and the evening.

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Asked: 2017-08-07 01:35:47 -0500

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Last updated: Aug 07