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Need help regarding my son's Autism

asked 2017-04-19 23:24:14 -0500

anonymous user


Back in August, before I was accepted into a 4 year “Bachelor of Science in Nursing” Program, I was a single mother of a 7 year old son who has high functioning Autism struggling to make ends meet plus trying to meet my son’s needs at the same time. Anyway, when I was accepted into the 4-year nursing program, I knew that I would struggle because my son’s needs were overwhelming but fortunately for me my neighbours who are Sikhs told me that they have some relatives in India who can take care of my son for a few hundred dollars a month while I am going to nursing school. It was too good to be true and I originally thought it was the perfect arrangement; no interruptions while I am doing my studies and my son is in a supportive family environment. However, all seemed fine until I got a phone call from the wife of the family in India who was hosting my son last October telling me that my son was causing their own son to want to cut his hair and as a result they wanted to send my son back home. Because having my son home again would severely disrupt my studies, I desperately tried to make a deal with her and her husband and they agreed to continue taking care of my son but he would have to follow the family’s Sikh way of life and he would have to refrain from cutting his hair. I agreed to their terms and was relieved that I can continue my nursing education without worry. My son told me on the phone that he does not like having long hair and wearing a patka and I do feel guilty for making my son go through this but I cannot deal with him while I am going to University because my son’s Autism is too much for me to handle and the Sikh family who is taking care of him seems to be making progress in teaching him basic social skills.

I want to know if I done the right thing for my son?

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answered 2017-04-20 02:53:02 -0500

Not at all Punjabi gravatar image

updated 2017-04-21 02:11:19 -0500

But if the Sikh family back in India is not willing to keep your son at their place for what-so-ever the reasons may be, you are forced to bring him back even if that means your son losing the basic social skills that he needs the most.

You took the right step in sending your son to India but now you have to look for some other alternative available in your own country because you have no choice left.

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answered 2017-04-25 22:41:25 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

So it sounds like this family is taking care of your son right now, as long as he doesn’t cut his hair. Having your son at home doesn’t sound like a valid option right now. Finding a different place for him to settle now would also be difficult because you would have to find something appropriate and then also have him re-adjust to something new again, but it is an option. So it seems like this is a safe and good environment for him to be growing up in but you are worried because he is far from home and having to grow up wearing a patka which he says he doesn’t like. It’s hard for anyone to say whether this is the right thing or not the right thing, but based on everything you’ve said I think it’s fine. Out of all the options you had, he is being raised in a loving, safe home right now and getting the attention he needs which you wouldn’t be able to provide while you are doing your studies. It’s never ideal for kids to be away from their parents but sometimes we have to do what we have to do to create a long term better future for our family and it sounds like that’s what you are doing right now. Just remember that.

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answered 2017-04-27 11:47:52 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

I heartily encourage you to contact Manni Kaur and talk to her. See this article: Living with autism and coming from an ethnic minority background

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Asked: 2017-04-19 23:24:14 -0500

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Last updated: Apr 27 '17