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Basically listening to bani is supposed to kill your hunger for anything. because Desire sometimes when it is so strong, is like a rope pulling you to the world of maya. when you give up desire, and pray from heart. You have many realizations. you can get upset with god, but realize still it is the only real relationship you will have. (Analogy; think of a child hugging and crying mom who refused to give her a toy who does the child hug while crying? It is of course his or her mom) Because the child has bo choice, we also have no choice. You can try the other way but it is just horrible.

You are in this situation negative thinking will not help. If negative thinking doesn't help why indulge in it? Negative places can be comforting, you get to complain and vent. Positivity takes effort.

We as gods children have to follow his hukam, with great humility.

Bottom line it takes a complete surrender and trust to god. I pray for you