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Sounds like you have had a tough time. Getting over a guy isn't easy. Doesn't sound like he's worth the hassle as he cheated on you, but it's obviously hard as you were together a long time and you're emotionally attached.

However, the fact you've been finding some peace in JapJi Sahib means something. It is perfectly fine for you to read banis, and even go to the gurdwara if that's what you want to do. If it is for yourself and makes you feel better I would strongly encourage you to carry on.

It's good that you know what you want to do and you volunteer. It's brilliant that you are picking yourself up and carrying on. Don't stop now! I'm sad to hear you have had suicidal thoughts. Remember God has a plan for you, otherwise you wouldn't be alive right now.

You have no reason to feel rejected. Although getting over a relationship is hard, you have something more beautiful that has come from this experience. You have found Sikhi. Keep doing paath, and do Ardas, it's so powerful. Find peace within!

Wahegurooo <3