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Hello Bhenji. You are 16 and have so much time to change things in your life now. From feeling like we hit rock bottom, it is our time to bow to our Guru Ji in humbleness and we will find our way through. Killing yourself won’t end your pain, because we know that we are reincarnated until our purpose is fulfilled, and it passes on pain to those that you love. Worse yet I have seen people not be successful in their attempt and suffer greatly due to long term health problems as a result. I know you’re tired and you want the pain to go away. Your anxiety is creating a lot of physical symptoms for your body too. I think you should definitely see a psychiatrist. Try again. See a counsellor if not a psychiatrist, and honestly at 17 your parents don’t need to know who you are seeing and why, you can access your own healthcare. Theres a lot of stigma around our parents generation about mental health. Depersonalization, anxiety, and suicidality are all manageable and treatable conditions. They can go away, you just need the right help. You will be successful in life, you just have to manage all the root of these symptoms. Gurbani helps us manage our anxiety- understand it, watch kathas like basics of Sikhi. They are very helpful. At the same time see your doctor, let them know how serious things have gotten and get some help.