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You seem to be asking forum members to help you not to feel depressed about your actions. I don't think we can do that.

You say, "I don't know why i did this it just happened." Hmmm... actually you do know very well. There is only one reason - because you want to please others by looking as you think they wish you to look.

If your conscience is bothering you, that's why. So you have two choices: 1. Keep cutting your hairs (and that will become your daily routine.) or, 2. Let God be your groomer and allow them to grow back in your natural form.